I'd like to mention those two dirty words that must not be mentioned.

Bed. Bugs.
According to the BBC it has been the worst year on record for them.
I've just had to treat a room. Fumers, bed linen chucked out, new duvets and pillows. I've sprayed all the wallsfloors, blinds, ceilings, crevices. I've powdered all the gaps and wall plugs.
As I said to the people who said the foul words (who looked like they had about two or three mozzy bites but you can't take the chance), 'If you get bitten tonight then it's only going to be from cybernetic bed bugs brought here from the future to stop you having the child who will one day save us all.'
Some people just don't get class gags. :P