I've found the worst hostel in the world!

I've stayed in some pretty grim hostels in my time, even dangerous ones but right now I'm staying in my worst ever.
It's not dangerous. It has windows and a ceiling plus an (uncomfortable!) bed. However after just two days it's obvious the owners have never actually seen the inside of a backpackers and appear to be modelling themselves on a 1960s YHA.
Last week I stayed at the fantastic Happy Dragon in Beijing. That was everything a hostel should be. Cosy, warm, friendly, fantastic little café attached, (basic) English speaking staff, tour desk etc. It rubbed off on the guests and everyone got on well.
This week I'm in the Moyan Outdoors (who came up with that name?!) in Harbin, Northern China.
It's the coldest city in Asia and is currently shivering at -32c. Sadly the chill extends to the hostel. Long sterile corridors patrolled by a semi aggressive dog, huge dorms where no one speaks to anyone else. Smelly toilets with no lock and a tiny door with gaps, crap Wi-Fi (I'm piggybacking someone's connection)
Worst of all is the staff. There is a bar (laughingly called "the pub") attached. You'd think getting a warm drink would be taken for granted when it's 20 below outside. Errm nope.
Coffee starts at an insane 38 kwai (about £4) more expensive than Starbucks! But that's not a problem since you can't actually get served! I waited ages for the bar tender to stop chatting to her friends, when she finally did she took my order before returning with an automated message on her phone "The bar tender is not currently serving!"
"Right, so I can't get a coffee?"
"The bar tender is not currently serving"
"and when will she be serving?"
"The bar tender is not currently serving"
"Is there anywhere else I can get a warm drink?"
"The bar tender is not currently serving"
I let her get back to her card game with her friends.
Another vital addition for a hostel is if for some reason they decide to set up miles from town is to provide BUS INFORMATION!!!
It's not a massive ask. Moyan has at least made an effort here-in Mandarin only!
Moyan Outdoors is a perfect example of how NOT to run a hostel! The fact that it is half empty around the time of one of Asia's biggest festivals proves my point. Sadly I don't get the feeling the owners would listen. They'd just set the dog on me.