Sex in Hostels: Is it OK?
One of the hot topics in hostels is sex. With the way hostels bring people together, forging connections and creating opportunities for sexual chemistry to build, it’s bound to happen: people will find places and ways to have sex in hostels. Sometimes that’s between guests. Sometimes it’s between staff.
Ask any hostel owner, and they'll probably have several stories about it happening under their roof. At the end of the day, people will always be people, and sex is as natural to life as breathing. It becomes a difficult topic to address largely because the space is shared, and there are few, if any, private spaces available at a hostel that are not designated private rooms.
So when it does happen, the question becomes less about: is it OK, and more about how to deal with it when it does?
I’ve been volunteering at a hostel in Southern California lately, and this topic came to light after two staff members were caught having sex in one of the bathrooms. What made the matter so controversial was that they decided to do this at 9 pm, in one of the showers. Clearly, not a good idea. Not only because it’s one of those unwritten rules at a hostel not to have sex in a public place, but also because it was so early in the day. From the staff to the management, the general consensus was: couldn’t you have at least waited until 2 in the morning, when everyone was asleep?
But when asking around the hostel for different people’s opinions, there were some disagreements among staff. One staff member said, “It’s natural. People are going to be people. You cannot avoid these kinds of things, and no matter how you put down rules, they’ll still be violated.”
A different staff member, however, was a little less forgiving when asked how they felt about the issue. “I’m actually kind of anti (sex in hostels). I’ve been in enough dorm rooms to hear that, so I’ll say, no thanks.” That staff member did, however, point out that there are better solutions when it comes to satisfying that one need. “I feel like no matter where you are, you can find somewhere else to do it," they said. "I just don’t see how that’s the last resort.”
The manager of the hostel, when asked about the situation and how it was handled, shared that sentiment. “Depending on the situation as a manager, it could make things challenging if it's not done correctly. However,” said the manager, “there are ways to do things correctly. Example one: go into nature. We’re right by the beach. There’s a drink named after it for a reason. Example two: go into a designated area on the property that is private.”
As for the culprits, when asked about the incident and being reprimanded for their carelessness when it came to, at the very least, disregarding the time of day they chose to do this, both had conviction behind their decision. “No, I don’t regret it. Getting caught wasn't even something I thought about. Love is in the air. It’s part of the hostel culture,” said one of the culprits, which was echoed separately by the other individual.
When it came to asking a hostel owner how he felt about the subject, the answer was surprisingly the same. Jimmy Black, one of the co-founders of ITH Hostels in California and Mexico, said, “As a hostel owner, if you’re running your hostel the right way, your staff or guests should be having sex with each other. That is a problem you should be having. It’s a sign of good culture.”
So while the answers will vary on whether it's acceptable or not, and while there's no way to prevent it from happening, one thing is true: people will be people, and places like this just tend to bring out that thing in us that's so natural. It just requires a little discretion, and at the least, some tact.
